While it is true that some pro-lifers are ignorant and say "The key to preventing unplanned pregnancy is a wedding ring," not everyone is so uninformed.
Ironically, I have heard that abortion rates are higher in religious communities than in the secular population - specifically, in religious communities with very conservative values. Part of the reason for this is the condemnation of people who get pregnant out of wedlock, because it means they had sex out of wedlock. The shame makes people in this situation seek to hide one sin, and this leads to a temptation for a far greater one, basically. This temptation is very often acted on, apparently.
Ironically, many feminists buy into the lie that abortion is necessary for "sexual freedom" which I guess is what they call the normalization of promiscuity. They do not appear to realize that strong social stigma associated with to sex outside marriage indirectly drives many to abortion if they have failed to follow the dictates of their belief system. Getting rid of that stigma also gets rid of a common perceived "need" for abortion. They think they need abortion to get rid of the social stigma that drives many people to abortion in the first place. That seems rather self-contradicting.
Now, does this mean that people of these faiths should abandon their sexual values? No, not necessarily, but they do need to pay attention to the tenets of their faith that discuss mercy for sinners, if applicable (Christianity is not the only faith that is against abortion. Also faith is not necessarily the reason a person will be pro-life; many pro-lifers are atheists or pagans, and their numbers are steadily growing. It is however, the one I am most familiar with and will be used as an example.) You need to tell people what to do after they have committed a sin, so they can amend their lives and go forward. You need to help them raise, or find good adoptive parents for, an "illegitimate" child. Getting rid of that term entirely is a great idea too.
If you do not believe in the choices a woman made that led to her pregnancy (assuming she was not raped, that is), that is fine. You will not be able to change what she did though, by ridiculing her, reading her the riot act, gossiping about her, or cutting ties with her when she needs your support for the baby's sake if nothing else. The same holds true for males, though the fathers may receive far less ridicule and shame in this situation. Shaming males for their sins, in communities that at DO genuinely maintain the same standards of sexual behavior for both sexes, may increase any temptation he may feel to lie and say, "It isn't mine." In the case of Christianity, Jesus said "Whoever is without sin can throw the first stone." That doesn't mean you don't call something a sin, or that you should never teach people not to do it, but it does mean that you should make it clear every time you do so that, for those who have sinned, it is possible to change and begin anew, to make right choices in the future. Right choices, using Christianity for an example, might include: acknowledging that the baby is yours (or perhaps finding out if you really aren't sure), choosing life for your baby, working with the other parent and any resources available to make the best decision for the baby and for each other, getting married if you think you can make a good home life emotionally for the baby as well as financially, choosing adoptive parents who share your beliefs, staying out of bed until you are married from this point onward. Of course, the first four are applicable to pretty much anyone, regardless of what they believe, but in order to live what you believe going forward, these are things a Christian would also have to do.
An adorable demonstration that life is so precious, even if it comes with a crisis for the parent. Watch how volunteers raise a baby bat whose mother couldn't take care of it.
If it happens that the more does not know who the father is, the situation is much more severe. Even many secular communities will gossip about that, not just religious communities. It is one thing to feel that she could have set better limits and made some better choices, but there are times to talk about what you think people should do and times not to. There are also more and less positive ways to do it. Talking about redemption is talking about how to make a change and do the right thing from this point on. Don't say, "Don't have sex before marriage. If you had followed God's rules, you would not have gotten pregnant." That promotes a culture of death. Instead consider that, if you believe in God, then God sent this baby to the world for a purpose, and nothing is an accident. One thing a surprise baby often does is help people learn, to help them think and prioritize differently from the way they have. "You can't just live for yourself and your own pleasure, none of us are made to do that. This baby is not a cruel curse, she is a blessing that is helping you become more than you were before, more than you would have been otherwise. This new life is teaching you about life, and helping you become the person God made you to be. Parenthood is a sacrifice, whether you raise the baby yourself or give them up. It takes strength, and it also builds strength." In the case of rape, of course, the baby is still a gift (even though the rape was definitely not), a good thing and a blessing offered in the middle of a bad thing, a redeeming element in the midst of perversion and horror. My oldest friend was conceived in rape. She is indeed a gift. She is one who mentored me when I was leaving a terrible home-life, trying to get my life started as an adult with almost zero preparation in any way whatsoever, and was living on the streets. She is NOT her father, and if she were a boy she still would not be her father either. Even if you believe in sex before marriage is a sin, a child out of wedlock still has as much value as one conceived in a marriage bed. How life comes to the world does not dictate the value of that life, the fact that it is a life does.
A woman who became a mother through rape talking about her experience.
If you are a person of faith preparing to speak on sexual issues, be sure to talk about turnarounds after bad choices. Be sure to emphasize that life is sacred and always means a new beginning; a new life is an opportunity for positive change, not a curse that keeps you from whatever you want. Choose wording that does not contradict this. Real freedom always carries responsibility, it never means doing absolutely anything you want without a thought. The only time you are not accountable is when you are not responsible. When you are not free and empowered, you cannot be held accountable, but when you are free, then you must be accountable for your actions. Tie freedom and responsibility together, as they are irrevocably connected. What do you do when you have made a wrong decision? You accept responsibility (if you are a person of faith this usually means confessing a sin to God and asking forgiveness), and then you make amends by making good decisions afterward. You give the child you made the best life you can, you let them go (if you keep them you will still have to let them go increasingly as time goes on, and if you give them up for adoption you have to let go to whatever degree dictated by your adoption contract, be it open, sealed, or somewhere in between). Continue your education, especially if you keep the baby you will need the additional income that education could help you get. Major in something lucrative, or at least take courses or get a minor that could help. Don't give up on your dreams, that would be a bad example for your baby if you keep him or her. Don't stay with an abusive partner, especially if a new little life is depending on you and learning from you. Make good choices from here out, not because the baby is a bad consequence want to avoid or that you learned from. but because you need to show others, especially the baby if you have one, better things than what not to do.
When talking about right and wrong choices in sexual behavior, no matter what your values are, it is important to emphasize redemption after bad decisions. Killing a baby is never a redeeming choice. No one who takes another life intentionally does so without thinking they need to, or without convincing themselves that it is right. That doesn't mean it should be legal, and that doesn't make it morally right, ever. Redemption after abortion is a topic that needs to be addressed as well. Forgiveness and restoration should always be discussed any time that sin, or whatever you call bad choices, is discussed. Don't just tell people they are wrong, tell them that they can do better. Consistently.
Godspeed.
~Mother Star
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